My Nigerian Pen Pals

My favorite spam emails are the get-rich ones from “Nigerian consulates”.  Their pitch - in a form letter - goes like this: “A rich guy with your last name died but had no heirs, so his bank is going to keep his money.  But if you pose as a ‘next of kin‘, we can split it.  Send your bank info to get the ball rolling.”  (For a good read on this, click here: - the scammers are really Nigerian.)I replied, with mixed results: although no money has arrived (yet), I’ve made lasting friendships.  Below are some correspondences - edited for space, but with syntax intact – with my replies in blue:


My buddy Oboh:

From the Desk of Oboh Thompson, Union Bank Nigeria Plc. Lagos, Nigeria:
Dear Sir,
      Let me start by first introducing myself properly to you: I am MR. OBOH THOMPSON a director with the union bank of Nigeria Plc. I came in contact of you in my search for a reliable person to handle this confidential transaction which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to a foreign account requiring maximum confidence ……
      Thanks you in advance for your anticipated co-operation. Yours faithfully, Mr. Oboh Thompson
Dear Oboh-
      Please call me at work in the USA: (315) 474-8481 {<Syracuse, NY, “Time & Temp” recording}
      Sequel to your response on the estate of Late Engr. Theophilus Baker (Deceased) I now write to bring you into the real picture of what we are into ……
Please fill the attached Application of Claim form, stating your full names, your banking co-ordinates and send to me.
                        My very best regards, MR. THOMPSON OBOH.
Dear Oboh-
      My printer is broken. Give me a call at (315) 442-5200 {<Onondaga County Sheriff Dept.}.  And please felate me. - Moody
Mr. Thompson- Please call me at my hotel: (202) 986-8400 {<Nigerian Embassy in DC}. Thank you kindly, Mr. McCarthy
Dear partner-
Please don't scout for another partner. I'm in love with you, Oboh. And my website needs a few more replies from you to justify posting this.
Barrister Ahmed
GOODDAY Mccarthy,
            I am BARRISTER ALHAJI AHMED (ESQ) Solicitor and Notary Public. I am the Personal Attorney to Mr. FREDRICK Mccarthy, a National of your country, who used to work with Oil Company in Nigeria  …..
Please get in touch with me to  enable us discuss further and i will also like you to indicate your  interest by sending your: (a)Full name and address,  (b)Your private telephone and fax number,  (c)Age and sex.  With these informations ... we will proceed with this  transaction as the next of kin to late Mr Fredrick. Best regards,  BARRISTER ALHAJI AHMED (ESQ)
Dearest Ahmed- Please call me at work in the U.S.: (315) 474-8481 {Time & Temp recording}
                                    - Moody
My dear Moody,
How are you doing? Hope fine.  I called your number and it wasn't through. Please do tell me the specific time to call so we can talk. Please i am still waiting for the informations i told you to send.  Hope to heat from you soonest.  Remain Blessed.  Barr.Ahmed
My Dearest Barr- I urge you to felate me.
Sincerely, Moody
My dear Moody McCarthy,
            How are you doing my dear? Hope fine.  Thanks for your mail my friend, I will try to call you during  work time today but my dear, I will like you  to send to me your:  FULL NAME AND ADRESS,  AGE AND SEX so that i will submit them to the bank on your behalf as the next of kin to late Mr Fredrick. Please do send the informations immediately, I will call you your country time. Hope to have your informations soonest. Remain Blessed, Barr.Ahmed.
      Because I have my inbox synchronized with an audio alert that I run through a Marshall stack, please do not email me before 7am Eastern Standard Time as this awakes me. Also, I can't wait to give you money. That's my thing.
                                          Love, Moody
My dear Moody,
      How are you doing anyway? Hope fine. Infact my dear,i cannot un derstood the whole of your mail.Please do indicate your interest to me by sending your full name and address,telephone and fax number,age and sex to enable me submit them to the bank as the next of kin to late mr fredrick. Please indicate your interest to me. Hope to hear from you soonest.
                  Remain blessed. Barr.Ahmed
Dear Barr Sani-
      When's that money coming? I just bought some chemotherapy, and that shit's expensive.  The thing is, I don't even have cancer! I just figured, "why wait"?  Right?  Get chemo while I'm healthy, and I'll never get cancer.  The doctors think I'm crazy, but I think it's because they're losing a bigger payday down the road.  And once everyone figures this out, no more yachts for them!  Hey, I'm coming to Nigeria in June. Is it gonna be too hot for Frisbee golf?
                              Love me, Moody
My man Adebayo
      I am Mr. Adebayo Peters a Banker with Standard Trust Bank  Plc, here in Nigeria. I am an account Officer to Mr. Gabriel McCarthy, from your country, who used to work with Shell Oil Development Company in Nigeria……..
Please get in touch with me immediately as I do not have much time in my disposal. Best Regards,  Mr. Adebayo Peters
What's your favorite movie?
Adebayo Peter wrote:
Hi Moody,
      This is real, I can send you proof. Expecting to hear from you.                           With my best regards,
                        Adebayo Peters.
Dear Adebayo-
      Please change your email settings to "Include full original message when replying" or I won't have business dealings with you. This is policy of mine that is immutable.
                              Sincerely, Moody McCarthy
adebayo peter wrote:
      Sorry for the late response. I've not been chanced to bring out a copy of his deposit certificate from his file in the bank. I have attached in this mail as i promised to do. View attachement for proof of the deposited fund.
      There is something i didn't understand in your previous mail, you said i should include the original message,please explain better to my understanding.
                              Brgds, Adebayo
      I'm only gonna go over this once: go into your "mail options" and look for "settings" or "general options". There should be an option under "replying" to "include full original message when replying". Now get in the game, Adebayo!
      It's not a deal-breaker, though. Here's my banking info: 1st National Bank of Gnocchi acct #419 (If anyone asks, my mother's maiden name was "Okoye") I look forward to your reply, WITH THE ORIGINAL MESSAGE INCLUDED!
                        remain blessed, Moody
The Right Reverend Joe
From the Desk of:  Rev Dr. Joseph Adam  No 10 Amadu Bello way  Victoria Island Lagos, Nigeria  Telephone:234-803-7140026
My dear Friend,
      Good Day. With warm heart I offer my friendship, and greetings, and I  hope this mail  meets you in good time. … It is my pleasure to inform you that you were chosen to act as  next of Kin to LATE ROBERT EBNER, an oil merchant with the Government of Nigeria until his untimely death six year ago in ghastly plane crash …
      You are  urgently required  to send to me your Bank name and address, where the money will be transferred …
      Await your urgent response.
                  Yours Sincerely,
                  Rev. Dr. Joseph Adam
Dr. Adam-
      Man, I'm just hearing about this plane crash! That fuckin' blows, huh? Anyway, you sound like you're on the up & up. Unfortunately I'm no good with numbers - can I just mail you my bank card and password?
                              Your best friend, Muldoon
Attn Muldoon,
      I accept your condition and i want you to forward the information immediately, i will … wire the money small smaill into your card. Please i will need your assurance that you are not going to set on top of this money when it get's into you bank card, again, i also want you to keep this transaction secret and confidential because any atom of exposure can jeopodarize all my effort. Finally, i wait to hear from you again, meanwhile call me for more oral discussion. 2348037140026.
                              Rev. Dr. Joseph
Dearest Reverend Doctor,
      Hey, should I call you "Reverend" or "Doctor"? Or, since you're trying to bilk strangers, can I just call you "Joe"? Please call me in the US at my nursing home: (202) 986-8400 (<Nigerian Embassy). Ask for me, Muldoon, and say it's in reference to 419's.
                                    peace on Earth, him
Hello,I call the number you send to me, someone answered and said there is no one with your name, I understand you position because the level of scam in the world today, every body is afraid and no one want to trust each other, but in order to prove my self, i am sending to you email attachment of my coronation picture and every other prove you want will be given to you upon your respond to this mail, Thanks and God bless you. Rev, Dr. Willy Adams
Dearest Joseph-
      I apologize for my skepticism. I know a Reverend would never lie, but a doctor might. And you're all both! (What kind of doctor are you, by the way? I ask because my pinky toe has turned burgundy.)
      I am anxious to do business. Here is my banking info:
First National Taint Savings, savings account #419419419419; routing #0419419419 (My online password - if they ask - is "Carmelo")
      I hope to hear from you soon. Do you have Instant Messaging in Nigeria? I hope that's not a slag - I don't mean to imply that you guys aren't up to speed. It's just - let's be honest here - how much infrastructure can you create when your primary export is tea made of ground-up elephant balls?
                              Love, Muldoon
"Rev. Dr. Joseph" <> wrote:
Hello Muldoon,
      I received the information and i immediately move ahead with the changing of your name with the fotmer existing next of kin to my late client Mr. Robert Ebnner. soon i will give you the deposit certificate ….
      However, this is scant albeit, to-the-point biography of my hunble self. My full name is Joseph Adam I hail from Nsukka and in Enugu State, South East of Nigeria, Born on April 28th, 1954 into the family of Chief and Mrs. Richard Adam My father was a school teacher while my mother was a nursing mother sister. They were devout Christian which I am until today; I graduated from the University of Nsukka (UNN) with modest degree in Accountant in 1982. However, I worked with a German Construction firm till the wake 1988 when I went back for my Doctoring degree. Life to me then was stringent, as I have to cater for my newly born baby, who later died and my dear Wife Joy Adam whom I got married to in 1986. Joy my wife is a graduate of agriculture and works presently with the agricultural research institute Lagos. She is a lover of nature, and heads non-governmental organization, friends of nature aimed at protecting improving nature. She is my confidant in all my undertaken and a well devout Christian. However, upon completing my second degree program, I gained employment with the Union Bank (PLC). Through my uncle, Samuel Dike. I'm still with the Bank as an accountant. My marriage is blessed with (3) three children. I am presently residing at No 32, Don close Aguda s/lere Lagos. I reasonably belief that this scant albeit, to-the-point biography, would bring about the spirit of intimacy between us. Finally, we will still need you Full name ans residential address, to make complete change on your name here to avoild feture problem. again reconfirm your bank name with address.
                  Thanks and God bless you. Rev. Dr. Joseph
{He attached the photo posted at the top of this}
      Enough with the fruity bio and "spirit of intimacy", alright? For fucks sake, I felt like I was on reading that tripe! This is business, bro: I'm looking for a crime partner, not a life partner. Although the dead kid thing even got to me - a guy who strangled a prostitute once. (It was consensual.) But I'm skeptical of your "wife & kids" because I don't think anyone who could write a letter that faggy could procreate. Also, while I'm in a mood: DROP THE CHRISTIANITY INFOMERCIAL! I don't know what kind of church you go to, but mine was all about feeding the needy, and that's why I left! I'm the needy now, Rev, and I'm hungry for a few million nairas! Anyway, the less we know about each other, the better. If you need a shoulder to cry, go bareback someone else.
      Now on to matters: my name is Seamus Muldoon and my address in the U.S. of motherfuckin' A. is: 4419 13th Ave, apt. 419, New York, NY 11009. My bank: Retired Mall Cops Credit Union, based in St. Paul, MN.                                    talk to you soon, Seamus
ps - do you IM (Instant Message)?
Franklin the Mad Poet wrote:
Standard Trust Bank Plc, No 50 west ave Lagos state, Nigeria
Dear mccarthy,
      I am an Accountant with STANDARD TRUST BANK, My name is Mr Franklin Ezeobodo, I am the personal Account Manager to Engineer A.mccarthy, a National of your country, who used to work with Summit Oil company in Nigeria. On April 21, 2000, my client, his wife, and their three children were involved in a car accident along Sagamu express way. All occupants unfortunately lost their lives …… I have contacted you to assist in reatriating the money left behind by my client … an account Valued at ($85.2Million US Dollars) … what I needed from you is as follows: full Name, Address, Contact Phone number, Age and Your status.
            Best Regards, Mr Franklin Ezeobodo. Phone:234-8036975992
      I called that number you gave and got a busy signal. No biggie, though - my phone plan includes Nigeria for only 15 cents a minute. (Hey, I just spent 5 minutes looking for the "cents" symbol on my keyboard - when did they get rid of those? You don't have to answer that.) Anyway, you're not gonna believe this but I ACTUALLY am A.mccarthy's NEXT OF KIN! So we don't even have to bullshit the banks. (I didn't mean to imply you were a scammer, it's just that you can't be too careful these days, right?) Yeah, Uncle A. was a kind of a douche (he dry-humped my little brother) so we weren't close and didn't find out about his pile-up until recently. It's a shame because his daughter in the crash was really cool. Hot, too, but we were cousins so it's not like we could act on it. This isn't Nigeria, you know what I'm saying!
      Well, we were looking for an intermediary anyway so we might as well go with you. You've got your own zipmail account, which is impressive. One thing, though - in Uncle A.'s last Christmas BRAGGY-ass "look at me" letter he claimed his assets topped $100 million, and you say it's only $85mil - was he lying or did you skim some, you crafty bastard?
                        peace be with you, mccarthy
-------------------------------------- wrote:
Hi Moody,
      You are mad to call me (you crafty bastard? peace be with you),Do I deposited fund with Engineer A.Mccarthy? Why then are you asking me if there was some I had eaten. I you the one that told me to contact you that this fund is here in Nigeria? If I mean to eat it should I have contacted you? Is like you are a fool that doesn't know anything. Calling me cratfy bastard? You are born bastard,blind-fool,No wonder a snail is creeping with it's face. You white bat and zoo pig when did you call my phone line and get it not? If you want to call me, Dial (009-234-8036975992) you will get to me.
                              Thanks Franklin
      What beautiful prose! Your words dance off the page like a back-up singer's camel toe!
      Your point is salient: had you been able to skim from Uncle A, you wouldn't need me. Clearly he exaggerated his assets, and I apologize to question your integrity. You are right to say "a snail is creeping with it's face". (Although I believe you meant "its face". English rules regarding possessive pronouns are very tricky, so don't beat yourself up over what was otherwise a flawless email. And this by no means undermines your future as a writer - a good editor will catch any errors.)
      Thanks for calling me a "white bat and zoo pig" - you're not gonna believe this, but that was my snooker nickname! I take that as a sign from above that we were meant to be partners. Now let's put all the hostility and grammatical errors and racism aside and go after Uncle A's nest egg! What do you say, you filthy cattle rapist?!
                                    - McCarthy
ps - your momma so black they keep canaries in her
Paul, the Activist/Wife-blamer
(After I originally replied to this fella he emailed again but mistakenly addressed me by another name):
Paul Adeyemi> wrote:
Dear Sisneros,
      Thanks for your kind response. …I need you to bear the next of kin to the late David Sisneros. Best regards, Barrister Paul Adeyemi (Esq).
Dear Paul-
      Have you lost your mind? Who the fuck is "Sisneros"? We're supposed to be working on the David McCarthy estate! Are you 2-timing me? I'm very concerned about this.
Paul Adeyemi wrote:
Dear Moody McCarthy,
      Am also sorry for what happen in my last my mail i sent to you due to my wife problem in my office yesterday. Please let go ahead now. Having opened the door of mutual business relationship between ourselves, we have to ensure to the fullest that honesty, sincerity and transperency becomes our watch-word. ... I advise you to keep my documents i sent to you absolutlely confidential as there are my private documents that does not need to be exposed given my position as a human right activist. The most important thing is for you to keep your mouth and dont tell any body about it because i will present you to the bank as the next of kin to my late client. Do contact me on my direct telephone number 234 80 33318143 to discuss further should you have questions. Finally, send the application to the bank where the money is deposited, that is Union Bank Nig. Plc. Hoping to hear from you urgently. Barrister Paul Adeyemi(Esq.)
Dear Sir, APPLICATION FOR ACCOUNT CLOSURE ========================================= I hereby apply for the closure of Account No.10009000016459 belonging to late Mr. David McCarthy. I am the next of kin to the above aforementioned name. And the beneficiary of the project fund which account Number is stated above. I will in due time forward to your office on how and where I want the funds in the account to be transferred to. The Attorney representing me in this matter is Barrister Paul Adeyemi. Thank you for your anticipated co-operation. Yours faithfully, Moody McCarthy. (Beneficiary/Next of Kin to Mr. David McCarthy).
      I figured your wife had something to do with those emails. Dang bitches! You should go Saudi on her ass. Also, don't worry about your rep as a human rights activist - let's just say you're looking out for us two humans' right to plasma screen TVs.
      Hey, here's my info you axed about: Cornbread McCarthy 4419 13th Ave, apt. 419, New York, NY 11009. My bank is: Retired Mall Cops Credit Union, based in St. Paul, MN. And my birth date is TODAY!! Blow me a kiss, you nappy mofo!
      I emailed the bank to give me that NAIRA, 'cause I DARE YA!
                              please know this, McCarthy
ps - as for your last question: yes, I do Yahoo!
pps - I might come to Lagos for Spring Break, dude!
Paul Adeyemi <> wrote:
Dear McCarthy,
      Thanks for your mail, please can you send me your phone number so that i can talk to you regarding this transaction, before will can go ahead. Waiting to hear from you.
                        My regards, Barrister Paul Adeyemi.
      My phone number is #23. (Just like the great Michael Jordan!)
                              call me, wench
(He addresses me mistakenly a second time)
Paul Adeyemi < wrote:
Dear David Sisneros,
      Top of the days, i am still waiting to hear from you.
                  My regards, Barrister Paul Adeyemi
This ain't Sisneros, Adeyemi, this is McCarthy! It's right in my email address!  Is your cunt wife in your office again?  Mrs. Adeyemi, if you're reading this: stay the fuck off Paul's computer!
Paul Adeyemi wrote:
Dear Moody McCarthy,
      Thanks for your mail, all i needed from you is your phone number i need to talk to you on phone before we can go ahead of these transactions, please kindly send me your number as soon as possible. Have you heard from the bank? Waiting to hear from you.
                        My regards, Barrister Paul Adeyemi.
      Hey, man, I don't know how to tell you this, but I told the bank I'm gonna handle the transaction on my own. No hard feelings, it's just that your wife keeps f'ing up things. Get that B under control and maybe we can do business.
                              - mccarthy
ps - Do barristers wear those goofy white wigs? You must look precious riding your bike to the internet cafe with that on.
Judey Jude wrote:
FROM:Jude Esiaka (ESQ) Louis Mbanefo & Associates,711 C,Close Attorney,s Ave, Festac Town Lagos - Nigeria.
Dear Mccarthy,
      I am Barrister Jude Esiaka ,the Personal Attorney to Mr Larry Mccarthy, … to present you as the next of kin to the deceased so that the proceeds of this $20 million dollars can be paid to you and then you and i can share the money. 55% to me and 40% to you, while 5% should be for expenses or tax as your government may require,…
.. Please get in touch with  me by my secured and confidential e-mail address
                              Best regards
                              Barrister.Jude Esiaka
Hey, Jude-
      Don't make it bad. Take a sad song, and make it better. (< That's the Beatles! I'm not sure they splashed in Nigeria, but it's moot now anyway because they're half deceased. Darn the luck, Ringo is gonna outlive them all.)
      Nigeria has some shite roads, huh?  McCarthys are wiping out left & right.  Anyway, I'd love to pose as a next of kin, but I have a question: why didn't you email me from your "secure and confidential email address" to begin with?  Now you're asking me type it in myself instead of just hitting "reply".  And then you're only offering 40% of the $20 mil?  F that!  If I have to type in your other address then I want 50%! That's my "2 million dollar extra typing" surcharge, Judey.
      But to show good faith, here is my info you axed for:
Sen. Joe McCarthy
3519 International Court, NW Washington, DC 20008
Tel: (202) 986-8400 Fax: (202) 775-1385 {<Nigerian Embassy}
age: 38 occupation: minstrel
      As for identification, I'm 5'11" and circumcised.
                              yours, Sen. Joe
ps - Remember to let her into your heart. Then you can start to make it better
---------------------------------- wrote:
Dear Sen. Joe McCarthy,
      Thanks from your information i have forwarded your information to the finance house keep me posted as soon as the finance house contact you. Finally, please call me with this number +2348034347423 as soon as you receive this email.
                                    Barrister Jude Esiaka
      I noticed your email address is "bar_jude_esiaka10" - are there really 9 other bar_jude_esiakas? Is "Esiaka" a common name?  I bet in your family it is, huh?  I grew up in a house full of "McCarthys" - it was so confusing, we used to have to call each other by our FIRST names!  Hey, I tried to dial your number but I can't find the "+" button on my phone. Is that a Nigerian thing?  (By the way, shouldn't Niger change its name?  That must be one confusing border.  Maybe they had the name first and you're the pricks.  Somebody has a good copyright lawsuit.)
      The finance house still hasn't called!  Do you think they hate me?  Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the circumcision?  I won't mention my teste that didn't descend.
                        love always,
                        Sen. Joe
PS - Do you instant message? Can I be your online friend?
Head Office, International Wing
10, Brabourne Road, Kolkata - 700 001
West Bengal, India.
Branch Office,
40/41 Uco Ave, Plot 401,
Lagos, Nigeria.
TEL: + 001- 234 - 1 – 8121432 FAX: + 001- 234 - 1 - 759 0407
Website: EMAIL:
Date: 19 / 03 / 2005.
This is to inform you that we are in receipt of your funds to the tune of (USD$20 Million United States Dollars) from Uco Bank, Federal Government of Nigeria, Federal Ministry of Finance and Federal High Court of Justice in Federal Republic of Nigeria.
You are also required to provide our Verification:
Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.
Yours Sincerely, Dr. Ashok Kumar Lahiri.
Director Uco Bank, Nigeria Branch.

(I 2-time him by emailing the bank.  Never heard from either again)
Dear Dr. Lahiri -
      Jude Esiaka no longer acts on my behalf.  I hate him.  I will act as my own counsel on the transfer of funds - all dang $20 million - from Larry McCarthy's account.
                        sincerely, Moody McCarthy
      The bank contacted me!  I couldn't believe it!  Me!  Nothing like this has ever happened to me, but - by golly - the finance house came through!  (I won't tell them about my teste, I swear.)
      Hey, I write songs.  Let me know what you think of this one, and be TOTALLY honest:
The sun hates me/The moon berates me
Because my girlie/Says she's late, see?
      Like it?  It's alright if you don't.  Just let me know.
            love to the family (even the illegitimate ones), McCarthy
Honorable James
Barrister James Oruma < wrote:
Attn My:Dear,
      I am Advocate (Barrister  James) and a solicitor at law and a human right activist here in Benin. …. My late client (Mr.George) did not write any will before he died with his family in the fierceful auto crash. … next of kin to the deceased and I will submit them to this bank on  your behalf ...Am waiting for your urgent response.  Thanks and God bless your family.
                  My regards to your family,
                  Hon. James Oruma Esq.
Jimmy- Is this legal?  If not, I'm in.
                        - your dear
(I attached my headshot) ps - Am I hot or not?
I receive your mail the contents are invalued. try to valuedate your mail. Am not understand by Is this legal? If not, I'm in. your dear ps - Am I hot or not? Am waiting to hear from you.
                        Best wishes, Hon. James Oruma Esq
Dear "Barrister James"-
I notice that your address is at "", a site targeting Hispanics.  Are there many Spanish in Benin, a former French colony?  Also, you don't address me by name and your deceased client is "Mr. George" - have you done much legwork here?  Or are you just "emailing it in", so to speak?  Luckily for you, I have soft spot for Barristers because they raised me (my birth mother left me on the doorstep of an internet cafe).  Here's my contact info - please call me soon: Dr. Moody Okoye, (202) 986-8400, ext. 419.
Barrister James Oruma wrote:
Dear Dr. Moody,
      I receive your mail this money and the contents are well noted. Are you able to excute me in this transaction or not. You have to be very assidious so that every thing shuold go smothly and easyly. You phone contact: Accout number: Fax number Age: Reguard to your family. Am waiting to hear from you so that our conrrespondace will rythme.
                        Best wishes, Hon.James Oruma Esq.
Honorable Barrister James-
      This is your lucky day, because you emailed the most assidious motherfucker ever.  And if you're looking for someone who's "assiduous", you're still lucky, because I'm that, too.  I'm all both, my little Nubian rube!
      Here is my contact info (< short for "information")
Tel: (202) 986-8400, ext 419
Fax: (202) 775-1385
age: 35 (but I can play 25-29)
acct #419419419 (my password, if they ask for it - AND THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO - is "Santorum")
                        peace, love & understanding,
                        Dr. Moody
Dear Moody,
      I receive your mail and the contents are invalued. I don't know what you mean by motherfucker, ext 419. Am confuse when read your messenge.I have a question.Are you able to excute me in this transaction or not? Make up your mind in this business transaction .Please i don't want any insult ok.I am a barrister if you don't want to excute me just tell me and i will looking for another business partner. Am waiting to hear from you so that our conrrespondace will rythme.
                  Best wishes, Hon.James Oruma Esq.
B.J. (for "Barrister James", not "Blow Job")-
      Let's rythme, just like you say:
I'm in
Like Flynn
Let's bilk
a Nigerian!
ps - I'm sorry if you were insulted.  I feel so bad that I won't feed my goldfish for 14 days.
The Self-Absorbed Barrister Billy wrote:
Dear McCarthy,
      I am Barr. Williams Musumba (SAN), personal attorney to Engineer Robert McCarthy, who used to work with Osusu Construction Company Nig. ltd. here in Nigeria ... My client with his family were involved in the bomb explosion in Lagos, Nigeria, on January 27th, 2002 … my client and the family lost their lives in that disaster that needed not to have happened. … My purpose of contacting you is to assist in repatriating the fund Estate)left behind … an account valued at about US$10.4 million… You can find informations about the January 27th, 2002 Bomb Explosion on the website below. Please get back to me through my email address for further discussion.
                  Best regards,Barr. Williams Musumba (SAN).
      You're not gonna believe this, but I'm an attorney here in the States, and one of my clients is (was) Frederick Musumba, a national of YOUR country who was employed in the diamond biz.  Unfortunately, he & his family were killed at a petting zoo.  He had no other family (that he liked), so his estate - 1,295,000,000 naira - will revert to the bank unless you want to pose as next of kin.  If you do, we'll split the money 60/60. Email me back or contact me at work: Tel: (202) 986-8400 ; Fax: (202) 775-1385
                  blessed love to your loins, mccarthy
Dear Moody McCarthy,
      Thanks for your mail received today and the content noted. ..What I really needed is your total commitment to see that fund is finally transferred into your account to avoid depositing the fund at the finance company's suspense account as unclaimed fund. Well it might interest you to know that I made a promise to my late client at the hospital before he died, which is to make sure that you receive the fund. His death came to me as a big shock because not only did he die in that fire explosion alone, but with his entire family. Note that the company might not be happy that you are coming for the repatriation of the fund into your account as the next of kin, and you might be receiving similar mails just to spoil your mind from pursuing the transfer of the fund into your account. … I need your contact address, phone and fax numbers …
      Get back to me immediately you receive this mail for more briefings regarding the process of the transfer. I await your reply.
            Best regards,  Barr. Williams Musumba(SAN).
      Did you even read my email? I need YOUR banking info, Barrister guy. Just because your client died more dramatically and your story has deathbed promises doesn't mean that you're more important. It doesn't.                                 feeling yucky, McCarthy